This is how I feel.

Choke me.
How should I feel?
I'm amazing. I'm beautiful. I'm perfect.
I'm not convinced.
Is this how it feels?
This is what it's like to be "in love" ?
I don't want it.
Everything seems okay to you..
"I love you" solves everything.
Take it back, please.
I'd rather be alone than be empty.
Your words echo inside of me.
There's nothing there to stop them;
To soak them in; to feel them.
Your kisses are raw; emotionless.
I wanna fight with you.
I wanna scream at you.
I wanna feel SOMETHING,
Anything.

has anyone seen my book?

I couldn't find it anywhere!
then I realized I was sitting on it... ;)

<3 Happy St. Patricks day!
& Happy late St. Urho's day!:)

Off to read now that I found my book!
haha

secret whispers.

hush my baby,

these times are hard.

as the leaves slowly change,

so does your heart.

take my hand,

i'll help you walk.

please don't be afraid,

its all for love.

It's a working progress! I wrote that in the car after reading the prologue for a book called Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. He's incredible!

Anyways.. If I get around to finishing it, I'll be sure to post it.

I'm off to read, I just got four new books from my cousin. (I admit it, I'm a bookworm!) :]

God Bless.

"Somewhere we went wrong. Our love is like a song, but you won't sing along. You've forgotten about us." -Demi Lovato, "Don't Forget"

Bittersweet Memories.

Your face is haunting my mind

I have no way to escape

no way to get around the thought-

nothing i can say.

As the night progresses,

I grasp onto my sanity.

falling deeper into tomorrow

not forgetting for the life of me.

Your bittersweet perfection

has now tainted my life

No matter how hard I try to forget,

I always lose the fight.

Honestly.

That's all I ever am to you.
just a back-up plan
You don't care about my feelings...
someone else can.

I'm just someone you run to
when your lies go bad
Someone you can throw around-
Someone that will never get mad.

But one of these days,
I'll be long gone
Then maybe you'll realize
You should have cared all along.

And when that day comes
Don't bother to call
You've pushed me around too much,
I'll be better off after all..

reminder...

I just wanted to remind everyone who lives in a climate similar to Minnesota's, or somewhere warm to DRIVE SAFE. We've had one REALLY bad accident earlier this winter where a girl in my school hit a snow plow and her airbag didn't go off.. lets just say she needed multiple surgeries. She's still recovering.

And when I mentioned the accident from Friday, a ten year old boy died in that accident. He wasn't wearing his seat belt and was ejected from the car. I'm not sure about the other 5 or 6 people. but please be careful..

oh and speaking of driving- guess who failed their permit test friday? I suppose its my fault I waited so long after my class.. whoops:)

God Bless

xoxo

PAIN

PAIN-
n.
1. An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.

I've never been one to deal with pain in a 'normal' way. I'm terrified of car accidents, ambulances, cuts, basically everything thats related to being in pain at all.

I'm extremely emotional. I'll cry in TV shows, Movies, heck, even music videos. So when I was eleven, I NEEDED to find some way to vent this pain and anger. Thats when I started writing. I thank God every day for giving me a healthy outlet for all my emotions, because without writing I don't know if I'd be alive. I actually recently started writing on my wall- mom was NOT too happy about that! But, I can't help it. Its an overwhelming feeling of relief after I write.

"we are writers. thats what we do. writing is our natural God-given ability to let anger out."-Kendyl

Today driving with my mom, we ran into an accident. Reminder- I live in a TINY town in Minnesota, so accidents are a big deal because chances are- you know the person. The accident was actually in front of the store where my brother was working at the time. He said two girls from my highschool ran in crying and screaming "CALL 911." -then, me being so emotional instantly started bawling. They called, and my uncle (who also works there, his father-in-law owns the store) ran out and started pulling people from the car and doing CPR. Now I dont know what else has happened to those people- but I'll update as soon as I do.

With that being said, I truly believe that everything can change in a moment. So you need to thank God for blessing you with all you have because you could blink, it could be gone.

xoxo

Addiction

ad⋅dic⋅tion–
nounthe state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
------
6 Years Gone. 4 Daughters alone. 7 Grandkids wondering who you were. See you in heaven, i love you.
....
..
I'm looking at your face
but I dont seem to know you
I can't get to the place
You are.

i'll edit the rest of this later, I'm off to bed :)

Perfection

In the midst of all the madness

And the pale light of the moon..

I lost sight of the stars-

because its always night with you.

.....

I'll wait, I promise.

"Take my hand, take my life- just don't take forever."

I love you.